It Doesn't Matter
by Goth Albino Angel
Summary: I use a collection of quotes from the last few episodes to describe how Willow feels about Buffy. Rated T to be safe due to slight sexual references.
1. Chapter 1

**_Here's a new Buffy WIllow story for you. This is just a collection of quotes from some of the last episodes. I use them to dictate how Willow feels about Buffy. Check it out for me?_**

**_I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer._**

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**_"You're my most powerful weapon, Will."_**

The words went around and around in Willow's head as she watched Buffy leave. She had never seen her best friend's eyes light up with so much trust and compassion than in that moment and it made her feel different than anything she'd ever felt before. "She trusts me." The redhead whispered to herself. "She trusts me because I'm the most powerful…"

"But you want it to be something more than that, don't you?"

Willow jumped at the voice and turned to see Dawn watching her. "What do you mean?" the witch inquired.

"You want Buffy to trust you for more than just your power." Dawn replied.

"She does." Willow told the girl confidently. "She trusts me for my smarts and my shyness and my faith to her."

"But why?" Dawn sighed. "Why do you follow her so willingly when this could be a suicide mission and she may not come back?"

"Because she's my best friend." Willow replied. "A best friend is supposed to be there for someone no matter what they decide to do. They may not like the idea and may choose to try and get the person to change their mind, but they know that the person has to learn a lesson in the end anyway."

"But she treats you like nothing more than a powerhouse to be used to help her." Dawn said. "Nothing more."

"Yes more!" Willow growled. "She treats me like she's always treated me."

"No she doesn't, Willow and you know it. She looks at you with different eyes. She's been looking at you with different eyes ever since you almost destroyed the world. She remembers that and I know that she's still afraid you'll fly off the handle and do it again."

"But she knows I won't." Willow argued, refusing to believe that Buffy only saw the worst in her.

"She's scared of you, Willow." Dawn murmured. "Scared that she won't be able to stop you the next time."

"Buffy's scared of a lot of things." Willow snarled softly, more to herself than Dawn.

"Yes, but you're at the top of her list."

"No, I'm not."

Dawn moved forward until she was right in front of Willow and she said softly, "She doesn't love you, Willow."

Willow's eyes widened in shock for a split second before they narrowed and she slapped Dawn across the face. Turning her back to the brunette, Willow hurriedly wiped away the tears. "She doesn't HAVE to love me back." The redhead muttered. "I will be by her side whether she loves me or not."

Dawn huffed and turned away from Willow. "Have it your way, Willow, but don't say I didn't tell you so."

As Dawn began walking up the stairs, she heard Willow start speaking again. "I may not say that, but I will say other things, regardless of what you think."

Turning to the stairway, Willow called, "And Dawn?" The younger girl turned back with a wary expression. "She will come back to me, whether she knows it or not."

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**There you are, the first chapter of approximately six. Enjoy it? Tell me. Hate it? Tell me. In between? Tell me! REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Here's the next one for y'all. Hope you like it.**_

_**I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer.**_

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**_"Why are you always standing up for her?"_**

Willow contemplated those words as she watched Buffy leave the house. Just before shutting the door, the blonde looked back at Willow with large sad eyes and the redhead felt her heart break, just like it had so many other times for this girl. But this time, it was her fault, not Buffy's, that her heart was breaking.

"Buffy." Her voice cracked as she said the name one last time before her best friend was gone.

"No." The small, simple word was too lowly spoken for anyone to hear it, but Dawn's head turned to her and Willow could clearly see the guilt in her eyes.

Willow lowered her head and began receding into herself, not letting her feelings show any longer. She was done feeling now, there was no Buffy to make her feel again. Her best friend was gone, runaway, kicked out.

And it was her fault.

As all of the fighting broke out among the different people around her, Willow couldn't do anything but watch as Kennedy automatically tried to take control at the same time that Faith did. Trying to warn her girlfriend about the difference between Buffy and Faith, Willow could only think of the differences. Faith was a more 'think then do' person while Buffy rushed in straight away. But that is exactly what had saved their lives for seven years, was Buffy's headstrong do it now attitude that made her rush in to save the day. Standing to go to the bathroom a little after the lights went out, Willow stared at her reflection in the darkened mirror.

"She felt." The redhead whispered to herself. "She felt for the people she knew were going to die if she didn't act fast. She didn't want to be guilty of their deaths. She wanted to save them. But many died and because of that… it hardened her and made her cold, sad, lonely even. She didn't want to feel for these girls because she knew some would die and now… we've given her a REASON not to feel anything…"

Willow stared at the mirror unhappily. "Which gives ME a reason not to feel anything either. If Buffy can't feel, then there's no point in me feeling either. Emotions are getting me way to far ahead of myself… but my mind is what's going to make me make the emotions shut up. No more feeling for Willow."

Staring at herself in the mirror a bit longer, Willow felt her heart throb. "I was supposed to be behind her one hundred percent… and I kicked her out. I'm not her best friend… but she was mine."

"Willow?"

Jumping slightly at the call, Willow turned to the closed bathroom door. "Upstairs!" she replied, knowing Kennedy was probably the one looking for her.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, no worries."

"Kay, Faith and Giles want you in the kitchen for a big Head of House meeting."

Willow pushed down the urge to smile at the Harry Poter reference and called, "I'll be right there."

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_**There you go. Review for me please?**_


	3. Chapter 3

Here's the next one. Keep reading, it gets better.

I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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**_"Something wrong?"_**

Long after Kennedy had gone to sleep, Willow wondered about their lovemaking. Could she really call it lovemaking if one didn't truly love the other? Willow had locked away her emotions so that she couldn't feel and having sex with Kennedy didn't change that. Willow could still just barely feel anything and that was exactly how she liked it right now. She wondered if Buffy was alright. Surely the blonde was at least eating? Everyone was abandoning town, there had to be some food in some house somewhere.

"But what if she's not?" Willow whispered to herself. "What if she's out there starving because of me? Because she doesn't have a home? I can't just leave her out there to die."

Making up her mind, Willow slipped out of Kennedy's embrace and down the hall. Knocking on Faith's door, she was answered with a loud groan and a mumbled, "Go away!"

"Faith, I need to talk to you." Willow called through the door.

"Wait til morning."

Willow set her jaw and chanted a Come To Me spell under her breath. Within seconds, Faith's body materialized in front of her and dropped to the floor.

"What the hell!" Faith shouted before Willow clapped a hand over her mouth.

"It's important that I talk to you." The redhead ordered.

"Important for who?" Faith challenged, crossing her arms.

"My sanity." Willow retorted. "I want to go out and find Buffy."

"So?" Faith inquired.

"I need to know that you'll be fine without me for a few days if necessary." Willow growled.

"Whoa, a few days? I don't know about that, Red. Why such a big fuss over B?"

Willow ducked her head and avoided Faith's eyes, but the Slayer could read body language like a bilboard sign. "You love her, don't you?"

With those words, warmth spread through Willlow, but she pushed the sensation away. "I can't."

"But you do."

"I can't do that to Kennedy. I can't feel for Buffy that way."

"But you do"

"Yes, I do!" Willow snapped, rounding on Faith with glowing eyes before calming down. "But that doesn't matter because Buffy's gone. But I want to find her and make sure she's alright."

"Well, why not do some Recon with Xander? Find her and make sure she's ok, but don't let her know you're there."

"Why with Xander?"

"Because more than one person can work faster."

"Then I need Dawn and Anya as well."

"Wait, what's this?"

"You're going to order us out to do Recon." Willow explained. "I don't want to hurt Kennedy, not yet."

Faith raised an eyebrow. "The longer you wait-."

"-the more it'll hurt, I know, but I just want to make sure she's alright before breaking her like that. I want to make sure she has a solid foundation to break onto so she can be built right back up."

"Understood." Faith sighed. "Alright, I'll help you out, Red, but be careful out there, alright?"

"I will Faith. I need her to be safe too."

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There you are. Review and tell me how you liked this particular chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**_I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer_**

**_Sorry it took me so long, dudes and dudettes. But I suppose any time is a great time, yeah? Here you are._**

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**_"Xander, I trust you with my life."_**

"She really said _that?_" Willow murmured, looking up at Xander carefully when he finished telling her about Buffy's plan to get Dawn out of town.

"Yeah, every word." Xander affirmed.

Willow felt her heart sink at the affirmation that her best friend had actually said those words.

_Does she think of me that way?_ The redhead wondered. _She has to. I mean, we're still best friends. Yeah, I tried to kill everything and everyone, but I still love her and she… she still considers me enough to trust me, right?_

Dawn, standing not too far, watched the emotion play on Willow's face. Whatever Xander had told her was putting the woman in a state of emotional uproar. Willow looked torn and distressed beyond anything Dawn had ever seen before on the witch's face and she'd seen a lot.

Deciding that she needed to find out what was wrong, the brunette called, "Willow, do you mind coming with me for a moment to help me on this thing?"

"What thing?" Willow inquired absently.

"This thing that I really need your help with." Dawn responded, nodding her head toward another room.

"Well, what thing is it?" Xander intoned. "A thing could be any thing. It could be a good thing or a bad thing, big thing or small thing, old thing, new thing, red thing, blue thing. You never know with these things."

"I just need Willow. Come on, Will."

The redhead dutifully stood and followed Dawn into the living room and away from Xander. Making certain they were as alone as they were going to get, Dawn rounded on the witch and crossed her arms, waiting.

Willow, being true to her old self, caved within minutes. "What do you want, Dawn?"

"To know why you're so upset." The younger woman replied, getting straight to the point.

"Look, it's… it's nothing."

Dawn raised an eyebrow and waited. Willow stared back, determined not to give in this time. After a while, Dawn conceded. "Look, if you don't talk about it, remember what happened with the Dark Magic?"

Willow sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Dawn, does Buffy… trust me?"

"Well, Willow… it's… it's not that she doesn't _trust_ you, it's just… she wonders what she should and shouldn't trust you with."

Willow's large green eyes widened in horror at this and she seemed to crumble a little inside. Dawn, noticing the change for the worst coming, tried to backtrack. "I mean, she trusts you with a lot of things! But, some things aren't necessary for you to know."

"For the safety of everyone around me who could get hurt by me if I knew the secret." Willow murmured softly, her head lowering in shame.

_She is never going to live that down, is she?_ Dawn wondered. _I mean, we all forgive her, but if she doesn't forgive herself then there's no point in any of this._

"Look, Willow." Dawn sighed. "Buffy may not trust you with some things the same way she doesn't trust me with some things and she definitely doesn't trust Xander with certain things. We all have a level of trust that we put into someone and she put that amount of trust into you or into me or Anya or even Spike."

Willow nodded, her spirits lifting only slightly before she remembered that Buffy trusted Xander with her life, but not herself. _Am I really so different than I was before?_ She wondered.

Dawn, sensing that the redhead needed some time to herself, took her leave while Willow was distracted. _She'll be able to work it out on her own._ the brunette girl thought vconfidently. _And if she doesn't do that... well, let's not think about that._

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_**How was that, my goood people. I know, I'm slightly lacking. Sucks, doesn't it? I'll try to do better with the enxt chapter, but until then. Review!**_


	5. Hiatus

_**From here until... whenever, really, all of my stories are on Hiatus. Each and every unfinished story I have is now on hiatus until I have finished the following:**_

**_A Demon's Story _**(one more chapter left)

**_It Doesn't Matter _**(two chapters left)

**_Kaotic Interference _**(one or three chapters left)

**_Knight in Shining Armor _**(two chapters left)

**_Playful Hints _**(Unknown amount of chapters laft)

**_Punishment _**(eight chapters left)

**_Seen Yet Unseen_** (not sure, I think ten (but they're written, just not typed) are left)

**_Were… What?_** (seven/eight chapters left)

_**I will also wait until I have new chapters to the following**_

**_A Lightened Shadow_** (one or two chapters)

**_Anguish_** (three chapters)

**_Blame the Plant_** (two chapters)

**_Blood Addiction_** (at least one chapter)

**_From Hell to Hyrule and Back Again_** (two chapters)

**_Futuristic Assassinating Lover _**(two chapters)

**_Innocent Love, Tainted Black _**(three chapters)

**_It's Not Incest, It's Love_** (two (it's going to be a short fic) chapters)

**_Life Thereafter _**(two chapters)

**_Mating Troubles _**(two (to get the real ball rollin') chapters)

**_Operation Hook Up _**(three chapters at least)

**_Rebellious Felines _**(the next ten (already written, just not typed) chapters)

**_Reunited_** (the next seven (because the thirteenth and fourteenth chapters are already typed) chapters)

**_Sharp and Brigh_**t (just one. Let me get that far at least)

**_Something About Women_** (two chapters)

**_Start All Over_** (two chapters)

**_Stay OUT of the Lake!_** (two (one of which is already halfway done) chapters)

**_The Sequels 4: Senior Snag_** (one chapter, let me get that far at least)

**_The Choice Between Love and Power: Challenges of Compatibility_** (two chapters)

**_Who Am I, Mistress?_** (two chapters)

_**Thanks for your patience cause I'm getting a tad bit overwhelmed with everything AND I have to Beta for three people? Yeah, I'll have a nervous breakdown. Talk to you guys soon! Thanks for your reviews and such, I love my readers a lot and I'll see you guys sometime hopefully before my birthday. *Shudder* That's when *gulp* debutante training begins. Bye now!**_


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